Would you consider yourself a people pleaser? Maybe you don’t give a rip about what others think? But some of us tend to care too much. For those with a sanguine personality like me, our greatest need is for approval. So we tend to worry about what people think of us more than we should. Fortunately, I’m also half choleric—you know, bossy and confrontational—which helps keep this in balance.

Everyone wants approval and affirmation sometimes, but we can take it too far. I’m not talking about being flexible, or considerate of others, or being willing to compromise in order to keep the peace. Those are all good. Perhaps because of our different personalities or because as children we could never seem to please our parents, we can become addicted to approval. Do you think that could be you? Do you strive too hard for others’ approval? Do you live in anxiety about what they think? Don’t be their slave any longer. You need to identify this character trait because it can cause you a lot of pain. And it tends to make you too inward focused.

What does an approval addict look like? Here are some red flags:

*Are you driven to work harder than anyone else or demand perfection of yourself?
*Do you allow others to verbally or even physically abuse you because you want to avoid conflict?
*Are you so worried about offending someone that you tiptoe around on eggshells and never speak your mind?
*When you do disagree or defend yourself, do you beat yourself up afterward about what you did or said?
*Do you often borrow trouble by imagining that just someone’s facial expression or tone of voice could mean they’re upset with you? (I’ve done that and agonized for days over a problem that didn’t exist.)
*Do you tend to stretch the truth, embellish your own attributes, or just out and out lie because you want to please someone so much?
*And here’s a biggie: Have you ever compromised your values or done something you’re not comfortable with because you wanted the approval of your friends? If you have, you may be headed for trouble.

If you said yes to even a few of these, you might have an approval addiction. Or you could say, “You’re dying to please.” Why is this behavior so destructive? Because it puts you in bondage to the people you’re trying to please. That’s not healthy.

The bible says we can’t serve two masters—God and mammon. I know that refers to money, but I think it also means you can’t please God and everyone else, too. Who is your master? Your goal should be to please your Heavenly Father. I hope you’ll take an honest look at how you relate to others. Are you experiencing anxiety and exhaustion because of your approval addiction? Be yourself and do your best to please the Lord. You already have his perfect love. Nothing you can do will add or take away from that love. So perform to an audience of one. And remember, I’m here for you.

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This past weekend, we had nine, that’s right, nine of our grandkids for a sleepover. It was awesome. I took the older ones to a concert at a nearby church while Grandpa Jerry watched the 4 little ones. He hadn’t done that by himself before. But they had a great time. He took them out in the yard to look for bugs. They played ball and watched a movie. He said, “It was perpetual motion.” I was just glad that when we got home the house was still standing and no one was missing. The five older kids and I enjoyed the concert. But mainly, it was just great to hang out together. Ah…except when I found the rubber spider Eli had planted in my purse.

On Saturday morning Jerry made pancakes for everyone. That’s a lot of pancakes. The kids loved it, but I really wouldn’t recommend it. I found sticky residue and fingerprints on everything from the patio door to the potty lid, to the kitchen cabinets. I’m still finding them.

Yes, when the visit was over you definitely knew they had been there. The basement looked “lived in” and the house certainly wasn’t perfect. But who cares? You know, I don’t mind a bit. Every time I feel a sticky doorknob or see another fingerprint, I think of the little hand that left it and I stop and give thanks for these precious children. I’m actually proud of myself for being so accepting of these sticky reminders.

Now I’ve never been a great housekeeper. I’m not what you’d call a neat freak. At any given time, if you look for them, you will find dust bunnies and I’ll make a confession. I don’t even make my bed everyday—not until it’s time to use it again, that is. A friend of ours used to tease his wife about her neatness. He said he tried never to go to the bathroom during the night, because when he got back, she would already have made the bed.

Well, that’s not me, but…I don’t like clutter. I’m forever picking up after my husband, who is not bothered by clutter. And I’m constantly fighting the battle of the paper. I can’t stand stacks of mail, catalogs, or magazines in my line of vision. It just annoys me and steals my peace of mind. I’ve tried to figure out why this stuff bothers me so much. And I think it’s about control. I like to control my environment.

I wrote last time about disappointment and how we react to it. I think I’m on a roll about this topic because of the unexpected developments in my life this past year. I’m taking a journey through uncharted territory. And I’m trying to respond with faith and trust. I’m trying to give up control.

I challenge you to walk this journey of trust with me, because life does get sticky. But just like the fingerprints left in my clean house by my grandkids, the messy parts of life often hide the greatest blessings. True joy doesn’t come through perfection, or predictable routines, or a neat and tidy life. It comes when we truly believe that all things work together for our good if we love God.

So give up control. There’s great freedom when you can accept and even embrace the disorder. Your mess just might become your ministry. And remember, I’m here for you.

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